Febricula
by Frost Deejn
Summary: Hunting a Snark takes courage, charm, and care, so naturally the citizens of Underland turn once again to Alice when the task becomes necessary. But sometimes Snarks are Boojums.
1. Lunula

Disclaimer: That movie sure was awesome, wasn't it? No way I could've come up with that. But I just couldn't resist writing a sequel.

**Febricula**

Fit the First: Lunula

She was up too late again, studying by lamplight. A cold half-full cup of tea sat next to the inkwell.

The trading post on the Chinese coast had seemed like a magical place, a world away from familiar, prosaic England, but after a year and a half her apprenticeship here was beginning to feel a bit routine.

It was a strange night. The warm, humid air was still, silent. No voice of bird or insect disturbed it.

The small flame in the lamp sputtered. She glanced up from the paper on which she'd been copying Chinese characters for colors, reciting them to herself with each brushstroke.

The flame steadied, burning brighter than it had.

On the table by the window was a vase holding a wisteria bough. It's fragrant lavender flowers draped across the table, the end of them dripped coyly over the edge.

She had not known this flower in England. She'd never seen it, and she never knew its name. But she had recognized it when she saw it in China, both by sight and by scent, and greeted it like a long-lost friend. One of her shipmates remarked that she seemed to have taken an instant liking to it. She'd claimed it was the most fantastic blossom she'd ever seen.

She hadn't added that learning this was a real flower proved to her that she had not dreamed her fantastic adventures, for she had first seen wisteria in Underland.

Forcing her eyes from the flowers, she returned them to her studies. But her mind would not stay there. Yellow, blue/green, black, red, white, the colors of his eyes...

But there had been doubts, days when she was almost sure it had been all a dream. Of course, as she had learned, the Chinese philosopher Chuang Tsu had once dreamed he was a butterfly, and then asked if perhaps he was really a butterfly dreaming he was a philosopher.

Her boudoir was suddenly illuminated by a white glow. The clouds must have parted, she realized, letting the moon shine through her window to the mirror on her wall. She turned to admire it.

A crescent moon, the kind that always brought to mind Cheshire Cat's manic smile.

She stood and went to the mirror. She was wearing an aquamarine silk robe, tied at the waist with a black sash. She was in her twenties now, but the moonlight shining from the mirror on her face revealed the flower of her youthful beauty had not yet faded, and her flowing golden hair was as thick and lustrous as ever.

Though not the kind of person who reflected on the wisdom of her actions and tallied her regrets, she was quite sure not getting married was one of the best decisions she ever made. Next to fighting the Jabberwock, of course.

Turning away from the mirror, she discovered something odd: there was no moon in the window.

She slowly turned back to the mirror. "Are you toying with me, Cheshire?" she murmured to the glowing grin.

It didn't answer.

Alice tentatively reached out a finger to touch the glass. Her hand passed right through, as though the mirror were made of mist.

"That's peculiar," she said.

She turned from the mirror again and returned to her desk, where she thoughtfully sipped at her tepid tea. "It seems I am being invited back," she mused aloud. "Should I go, or should I not?"

An unexpected rush of wind from the window blew the round black and white stone tokens from the game board on the windowsill, where she had set it after a match with her maid earlier that evening, to the floor.

"You don't have to tell me twice," she said, and stepped through the looking-glass.


	2. The Welcome Home

Fit the Second: The Welcome Home

Alice wondered how she could ever have thought Wonderland a dream. It was so solid, so vivid. As much as nothing here ever seemed to remain what it was, it was impossible to deny that it was something.

She spotted the grin glowing from a branch of a nearby tree, and smiled at it. "I knew I couldn't stay away."

The Cheshire cat's head emerged, as though from shadow. "As I believe you've been told before, it is best not to imagine yourself to be other than what everyone already knows you are."

"I'm fairly certain I have not," she said.

The Cheshire's smile grew even larger and he jumped off the branch. "My dear Alice, I sometimes suspect you of pretending to forget your lessons."

"And I sometimes suspect you of pretending to know less than you actually do, so I suppose that evens us out."

"It does feel so good to be evened out, doesn't it?"

"Would you be so kind as to tell me what I'm doing here?"

"It would be far kinder not to tell you. You are wanted at Marmoreal."

"Is that all? Lead the way, Chessur."

The cat faded away. She thought with some frustration that he was going to reject her request and abandon her to find the way on her own until little cat footprints began appearing in the mud of the trail. She followed them.

The woods were quite lovely, fresh and bright. The leaves on the trees were the first bright green of spring. Ferns and tiny flowers poked through the rich dirt. Birds chirped and disported in the branches, butterflies and other brightly colored insects flickered and twinkled through the sunbeams. The sky was an even brighter blue than it ever was in her world.

Alice had never seen Wonderland quite so wondrous.

They had been walking for hours, and the woods had thinned out to meadows, then fields, then gardens and houses. Things began to look familiar, and it wasn't much longer that the walls of Marmoreal appeared ahead.

It was about that time that the paw prints became lighter and lighter until they, at some unnoticed point, disappeared.

"Oh look, it is that flower that moves!" said a giant daffodil just outside the palace walls.

They must surely have seen her coming, because the gates opened at her approach. The White Rabbit stood before her, framed by palace guards.

The White Rabbit blew on a long trumpet, then opened a scroll, but he didn't need to read it. "Alice Kingsleigh of Overland is hereby welcomed to Marmoreal on behalf of the Queen."

These words planted the seed of an unease in Alice's heart.

The White Rabbit put away the scroll and handed the trumpet to a servant, then, falling to all fours, turned toward the palace. He looked back at Alice for a moment. "Follow me."

She did. With two palace guards in front of her, another two behind, a large gray crane walking to her right, and creature resembling a rather stately giant centipede to her left, she walked toward the palace.

They crossed a bridge over what could hardly be described as a moat, dotted as it was with waterlilies and colorful fish lounging in its crystalline waters, then the high doors of the inner palace opened out to welcome them.

"She's here! Alice is back!" cried the Dormouse, hopping off a table.

There was a flurry of greeting and welcoming as Alice was pulled deeper into the palace. She smiled at them, waiting patiently to find out why she was here. Then the hangers-on and palace guards parted as they spotted the Bandersnatch bounding toward them.

A wordless exclamation of delight escaped from Alice's throat and she reached out to greet the Bandersnatch. It slid to a halt, then licked her face with its giant tongue.

"Oh, I have missed you!" Alice laughed as she wrapped her arms as well she could around the large creature's neck.

"I still think your hair needs cutting."

At the sound of the voice, Alice turned. The Hatter was standing in a doorway, smiling, and she was somehow sure he had been there for a moment at least before announcing his presence. She smiled back. "And I still think that's not a proper way to make an introduction," she said.

"Well, it has never quite been the case that I haven't tried my utmost to fail to make anything other than the best first impression."

With a parting pat on the Bandersnatch's head, Alice walked toward the Hatter. His smile became uncertain and his eyes widened as she approached him, and for a moment she saw in his eyes the same look he had given her on the Frabjous Day, when she left.

And so she wrapped her arms around him.

"Are you taller, Alice? You seem a smincy bit taller than last time."

"And you," she replied, stepping back, "seem to have not changed at all again. I told you I'd be back before you knew it."

"I'm afraid you weren't entirely successful: I knew it. I knew it long before it became so."

There was something half-sad in him that faded her smile as she turned to greet some other old friends.

Once the reunion was out of the way, she was escorted to a guest room by a human-looking woman and a giant goose who told her their names were Dvideress and Elleita and they were her personal servants and asked her what she would like for supper. Being extraordinarily exhausted, Alice declined supper. Within her private rooms, she found a hot bath waiting for her, along with a nightgown and robe. When she emerged refreshed, with the grime of the journey washed away, she found in her room a light soup, buttered bread, and some kind of spicy tea. Scarcely had her head touched the pillow before she was deep in exhausted, dreamless sleep.


	3. The Melancholy

Fit the Third: The Melancholy

The skirts of her gown, gauzy as mist, trailed behind her as she marched down the alabaster halls of Marmoreal. Her slipper-pillowed step was a bit hastier than would normally be expected for someone merely accepting an invitation to tea.

She arrived at the room where the Dormouse, the March Hare, and the Mad Hatter sat, sipping from porcelain teacups. One wall of the room opened out to a luxurious garden.

"The right Alice (it is the right Alice this time, isn't it?) has joined us for tea," the Hare announced. "Though you are half-past too late. Or is it still a quarter 'til too early?"

"Early or late, Alice is always welcome," the Hatter retorted.

"But right on time just won't do."

"Ah, what you meant to say, dear Thackery, is that on the right time won't do justice."

A chair pulled itself (or some invisible servant pulled it) up to the table, and Alice took it.

"There he goes again: putting words in poor Thackery's mouth," the Dormouse chided.

"If that is the case," said the Hatter, "I do apologize. Besides, his is not the mouth I would most like to put words in. Alice has been gracing us with her presence for the better part of half a minute now, and has said nothing on the subject."

"What subject would that be?" Alice inquired.

"Why, your welcomeness, of course. Or, at the very least, your timeliness."

"I don't feel I have much say on the former, but as I did not know when I was expected, whatever time I come must be considered the right one."

The Hatter smiled at her. It was his dizzy, distracted smile. "Quite right. How do you take your tea?"

"One lump of sugar, no cream," she replied.

The tea was quickly provided, along with a scone with butter and jelly.

"It is curious to compare the similarities and differences between Underland and my world," she said conversationally. "On one hand, the tea is very much the same, and upon reflection it is remarkable that you speak a variety of English quite similar to that of England. But on the other hand, Underland has talking animals, giant flowers, and magic potions, whereas England, as far as I've heard, has none of these things.

"Your England doesn't know what it's missing out on," Mallyumkin declared.

"Perhaps. At any rate, I find the similarities far surpass the differences."

"Then perhaps your world and ours have never been as far apart as either side believes," the Hatter suggested.

Alice smiled warmly at his words. "I suppose not."

When tea was finished, the dishes and trays were cleared away from the table. Mallyumkin disappeared into a crack in the wall, and Thackery, after declaring that it was nearly teatime, dashed toward the kitchen.

"Tarrant, would you mind walking with me in the garden?"

"Mind? Dear Alice, though I have long since lost my mind, I have far more than half a mind to walk with you in the garden."

"Good." She offered him her arm, and waited stubbornly until he took it.

For a minute, they strolled along the garden path silently. Alice couldn't help but think about the night before the Frabjous Day, when Tarrant had come to her on the balcony with his top hat tucked under his arm. If a man had approached her like that in England, she would have thought he had come to court her, but here? She had no inkling of what the Hatter's intentions had been, or were. Had that been only friendship in his eyes that night in the Red Queen's castle?

"I don't suppose I will ever understand this world," she muttered.

"Do you understand your own, then?"

She reflected for a moment. "No, I can't say that I do."

"Then I wouldn't concern myself overly on that point if I were you."

"I've also found that, in this world and mine, mad or not, no one seems to say what they mean."

"I always say what I mean, but I don't always mean what I say. There _is _a difference, you see."

"Yes, I have seen. If I ask you a question, do you promise to answer it and answer it honestly?"

The Hatter hesitated for a moment, as if nervous of what she would ask, but then he smiled. "Of course."

Alice removed her arm from his and turned to face him. "Where is Mirana? What happened to her?"

"Mirana is here."

"If she were, she would have come to greet me, or at least I would have seen her by now. Everyone's acting as though she's still here, but she can't be. You promised to answer me honestly."

"I promised to answer _one_ question honestly; you asked two. The Queen _is _here."

He took her hand and led her back into the palace. They went to an empty room, where he opened a hidden panel, revealing a spiral staircase made of stone. The staircase climbed to the top of a tower, where two guards stood in front of a door. They exchanged looks with Tarrant, then stood aside, allowing them both to pass.

The room they came to was mostly empty. It had a window looking out over the land, a tapestry on one wall, a table set with a variety of sweets (all untouched), a hedgehog playing a harp, and a chair, in which sat the White Queen, staring toward the window with an expressionless face.

"As for what happened to her, that I can't answer," the Hatter whispered sadly.

Alice approached the chair. "Hello Mirana," she said.

The Queen did nothing to indicate she'd heard her. When Alice got close enough, she stooped down and looked Mirana closely in the face. Mirana made no movement other than the rise and fall of her breath and the occasional blink.

"How long has she been like this?"

"Weeks," he answered. "She was found like this one morning. She was her usual self at breakfast, but by the time she got to her throne room, she was like this. All her friends and physicians tried their hand at rousing her, but nothing has. The Red Queen's reign is still fresh on everyone's memories, so we decided it would be best if news of her condition did not leave the palace. It could cause panic throughout the queendom."

"I see. Does anyone have any idea what might have caused it?"

"Poison," Tarrant said with a shrug in his voice. "When the dishes from her last breakfast were cleared away, this note was found stuck to the bottom of her plate." He lifted a tiny slip of paper from the table and handed it to Alice.

The paper was pale green, with faint pink roses printed around the edges. In the middle, in rather untamed cursive, was written a sort of poem:

There is a sadness  
Akin to madness,  
A restless  
Desolation.

"No one recognizes the hand," he added.

Alice looked at Mirana. "This is why I was brought here?"

"Come. We think it's best not to speak too much of this in front of her." He took her arm and gently tugged her out of the room.

"Since she fell ill," Tarrant explained as they descended the staircase, "Mirana's physicians have tried every cure they know, no matter what diseases those cures were meant for, and her scholars have been pouring over books in the royal library. One of the doctors mentioned that it just seemed the light inside her had gone out, and that comment sent the scholars running back to the library in search of an ancient tome. It seems there's a beast that's quite handy at striking a light, and happens to go well with greens. A committee of all the Queen's physicians, scholars, and cooks decided the one sure cure is snark salad, with basil, cranberry, and walnut, dressed with herb-infused olive oil. Such a dish, they all declare, will not fail to break our beloved Queen of this debilitating bleakness."

"Did they try it?" Alice inquired.

"Uh, no. There's just one problem: snarks are notoriously hard to catch."

"So...where do I come in?"

A troubled look crossed Tarrant's white face for an instant. "Everyone seems to be quite convinced that if anyone can catch a snark, it's the champion who slew the Jabberwock."


	4. Aware

Fit the Fourth: Aware

The Royal Library was the largest room Alice had ever seen. Shelves and shelves of books stacked from the floor to the high ceiling stretched as far as the eye could see. The bookshelves were monuments in themselves. Rather than ladders, each shelf had a horizontal bar along the bottom edge, making the shelves themselves climbable.

Tarrant and Alice stepped inside the library and paused. Animals and fantastic creatures busily ascended and descended the shelves or read stacks of thick tomes at various desks. A human-shaped creature covered entirely in black and white feathers glided from a shelf toward them, trailing behind her what was either cape-like wings or a wing-like cape (Alice couldn't tell which).

"Any progress, Margaret?" the Hatter asked her.

"Not much. Pepper is still trying to chart a course on the map, but that can be done when we're on our way. This must be that famous Alice of Overland?"

"Quite."

A large pink pig walked up to them. "If Alice is here, we can be on our way right away. The boat is ready; we can leave first thing tomorrow."

"Hold on, Pepper. Alice hasn't even agreed to join the snark hunt yet," Tarrant objected.

She turned toward him huffily. "Of course I'll go! How can you think I wouldn't? I'll do anything I can to help Mirana."

Tarrant looked at her with deep concern or sadness in his eyes, then turned back to the scholars. "Well, if we're to be on our way tomorrow then we best be getting ready."

* * *

The moon shone bright over the white castle. Alice gazed at it from the same balcony she'd looked out from the night before the Frabjous Day.

A movement of air and the soft fall of footsteps alerted her to the fact that someone had joined her on the balcony. She didn't need to look to see who it was.

"Do you ever wonder what causes the stars to shine in Underland, Tarrant?"

"At times," he said. "It's enough to drive a person mad."

She looked toward him, smiling. He looked exactly the same as he did that other night, except he was wearing his hat. "I'm sorry I ever believed you were a figment of my imagination," she apologized.

"Don't worry, lass. If I were a figment of anyone's imagination, it would be an honor to be yours."

She turned to face him fully. Her heart fluttered at its nearness to him. "I wonder, Hatter, have you missed me as much as I've missed you?"

"It doesn't seem possible," he answered. "You would have flown to me a thousand times."

She dropped her eyes to her hand, which she examined like some novel specimen. "I find that hard to believe, as I was under the impression that you don't really want me here, or at least that you don't want me along for the snark hunt."

"I _don't _want you to go on the snark hunt!" The exclamation escaped from him like some wild beast let out of a box. He saw Alice startle at its bluntness.

"You don't think it will help Mirana?"

"Well, yes. And of course I would sacrifice almost anything to save my Queen. But not you."

"Are snarks quite dangerous, then?" she asked.

"Snarks themselves are usually innocuous, but the island where they live is perilous. That's where the Red Queen captured her bandersnatch and her jubjub bird. There are cliffs and crags and calamities, and sometimes snarks are boojums."

"What does that mean? What is a boojum?"

The Hatter suddenly turned to her and grasped her by the arms. His eyes bore into hers. "You're just so beamish, Alice. What would I do if you vanish away?"

"I imagine the same thing you did the last time I vanished away," she replied in bemusement.

Tarrant laughed. He dropped his hands from her arms, turned away, and laughed.

"What is a boojum?" Alice repeated.

"A boojum is what a snark sometimes is, and then you will softly and suddenly vanish away."

"I think I shouldn't like that at all," she said. "But one does what one must." She smiled at him reassuringly, even though he wasn't looking.

The Hatter was now resolutely not looking at her.

"Did I tell you," Alice said in the tone of a quick change of subject, "that after much scholarly research I have discovered how a raven is like a writing desk?"

He turned back toward her, wearing a dizzy smile on his lips that seemed to have forgotten the distressing words they had just been articulating. "How is a raven like a writing desk, Alice?"

"They both have two legs, two wings, black feathers, and fly...well, except for the writing desk." She couldn't suppress her own smile when Tarrant burst into a hearty laugh.

He rested his forearms on her shoulders. "What an adequately mad answer," he said approvingly.

Alice gazed at him in the ice-white moonlight. It reminded her very much of a scene from some Chinese romance, but what would the Hatter think of her if she took the next step towards him and did what her lips were aching to do? Was kissing allowed in Underland? Was it even known?

He seemed equally as frozen, staring at her like he didn't know what to do next, or like he was trying to solve a riddle.

"Well," Tarrant finally said, drawing away from her. "We should both be getting some rest. We have a long day tomorrow. And many more after that."

"Yes," she agreed reluctantly, and she watched as he disappeared through the door.


	5. The Flight

Fit the Fifth: the Flight

The next morning came with drooping grey clouds and halfhearted sprinkling raindrops. Alice, the Hatter, the March Hare, Tweedledee and Tweedledum, Pepper, Mag, and the Bandersnatch were gathered to the courtyard, along with a flock of geese.

"How are we going to get there?" Alice asked.

The Hatter smiled and handed her a tiny vial. "Drink it all. It will get you to the proper size."

She did, and in a moment felt the familiar sensation of her clothes suddenly growing bigger and the ground spreading beneath her feet.

When she stopped shrinking, she called up to Tarrant, "I don't suppose you brought me something to wear?"

He dropped down a heavy, dark gray dress lined with some kind of very soft fur. She donned it quickly, then crawled out of her giant clothes.

Tarrant gave the Bandersnatch enough of the potion to shrink the fearsome beast down to the size of a bumblebee. Then he shrunk down to size and dressed in a smaller version of exactly what he had been wearing before. As servants whisked away his clothes and Alice's, he climbed up the back of one of the geese, using feathers as handholds. Once situated, he extended his hand invitingly toward Alice.

Normally Alice would have been a little bothered by the gesture, wanting to prove she could do it on her own, but the thought of holding Tarrant's hand didn't bother her in the least.

She let him help her up, then settled in beside him. The Bandersnatch curled up in her lap like a kitten.

"All cozied in?" Tarrant asked her, smiling. At Alice's nod, he patted the goose. "We're ready when you are, Ellieita."

The goose spread her wings and, with the others in the flock following, rose into the air.

Alice cried out in delight as they flew over the palace. Tarrant smiled at her.

"I've always wondered what it was like to fly!" she explained.

"You could always ask."

Alice leaned forward, grasping onto feathers to keep herself steady. "Ellieita, what is it like to fly?"

"Not as easy as it looks!" the goose called back over her shoulder.

Alice laughed.

After a long but highly enjoyable flight, the geese set down at a wharf by what looked like an ocean. Tarrant and Alice slid off Ellieita's back. Some of the other geese in the flock laid out the clothes they'd been carrying, then Tarrant handed out enough crumpet to grow them all back to sizes adequate to fill them.

The ship they boarded was not large, nor unusual in any way Alice could perceive. It looked much like the ones she'd become accustomed to in her work as a merchant. Without being asked, she joined the others in preparing to sail.

"You've done this before, I see," Mag said approvingly.

"Often. I sailed from England to China."

"I take it that's a long distance."

"It's halfway around the world. Where are we going, might I ask?"

A shadow seemed to cross over Mag's black and white face. "Most people just call it Snark Island. There are other creatures there, as well, but not any the likes of us would want to come across."

"Like what sorts of creatures?"

"That is where jubjub birds and bandersnatches live wild, for two of the most dangerous denizens. The jabberwock originated there, as well. In the surrounding waters are sea monsters both large and small. And in the high volcanic mountains there are creatures without names."

"Have you ever been there?"

"No. Few people have and lived to tell about it. It was rumored that in the Bloody Big Head's hunting parties, for every ten hunters sent one or two returned." She forced a smile and trilled a cheerier note. "But they were seeking out the most dangerous; we are avoiding those, and aiming merely for the most elusive."

"How reassuring."

"Of course it is dangerous, but we must save the White Queen."

Alice agreed.

The wind was steady and the waves were low and small. Under the clouded sky, the sea almost looked devious.

Pepper was looking over charts spread out on a table in the captain's quarters. Alice approached him quietly and looked over his shoulder. "That is a peculiar map," she noted.

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, most maps I've seen, in addition to lines of latitude and longitude and the compass rose, show some manner of landform, or at least some symbol indicating where one might be."

"Such a map would be useless in getting where we're going," the scholarly pig explained. "The only way to find Snark Island is to be lost."

As the day wore on, the clouds became thinner and the sea grew steadier. By evening the sinking sun cast a gold trail across the waves, and minutes later the lingering clouds turned gold and pink. A goose was keeping a lookout from the crow's-nest, Thackery was at the helm (which seemed entirely appropriate to Alice, if indeed getting lost was the way to find their destination), and the twins were asleep with their backs to the mast.

As she looked out at the sunset colors over the ocean, she didn't hear Tarrant approach until he cleared his throat. "You did well today. I should be used by now to being impressed by you, but can the girl sail!"

She smiled at his compliment. "It's nice to be at sea again. I always have loved the ocean."

"Let's hope the ocean does not love you as much, or it may try to keep you. That wouldn't do at all."

"Let's not worry about such things. Do you play chess?"

"I 'ave been known to queen a pawn or two."

"I saw a set in the captain's quarters. I'm sure no one would mind if we borrowed it."

Tarrant followed Alice to the captain's cabin. Pepper was asleep with his head on the table. They didn't wake him as Alice carefully picked up the chessboard without disturbing the pieces already arranged on it.

They found a quiet place on the deck to play. Alice picked up the red queen and the white queen, held them behind her back, switched them between her hands a few times, then presented them to Tarrant. "Choose a hand," she said.

"Just one? Perhaps I would like them both equally."

"But you must choose one, or we will never get to play."

After a moment, he touched the tip of one long index finger to her left hand. She opened it to reveal the white queen.

"What a fortuitous choice; you get the first move."

Tarrant opened by bringing out his knight. "I do confess, it has been some time since I played. And Time won our last game."

Alice moved her queen's pawn forward two spaces. "Was that before or after the unfortunate incident at the Red Queen's concert?"

He answered with only a smile. Then he moved his rook into the space vacated by the knight.

"I was quite concerned for your head at the Knave of Heart's trial," she said.

"Ah, that. I wasn't sure you remembered."

"I do. I've always remembered, but I thought they were dreams. How did the Knave get out of that scrape, by the way?"

"From what I heard, your astounding exit from the proceedings made everyone forget about the trial. And later, someone quite rightly pointed out that if the letter had been written by the Knave, who had it been written to?"

"An excellent question indeed. Did they ever find out?"

"The mystery remains unsolved, my dear."

She secretly smiled at him calling her dear. She coughed to cover it. "I can't quite remember all the words of the letter. I would say I got the gist of it, but I don't recall it having a gist."

Tarrant smiled at her. That wild, dazed smile of his.

"They told me you had been to her  
And mentioned me to him:  
She gave me a good character,  
But said I could not swim.

He sent them word I had not gone  
(We know it to be true):  
If she should push the matter on,  
What would become of you?

I gave her one, they gave him two,  
You gave us three or more;  
They all returned from him to you,  
Though they were mine before.

If I or she should chance to be  
Involved in this affair,  
He trusts to you to set them free,  
Exactly as we were.

My notion was that you had been  
(Before she had this fit)  
An obstacle that came between  
Him, and ourselves, and it.

Don't let him know she liked them best,  
For this must ever be  
A secret, kept from all the rest,  
Between yourself and me."

As he recited the verses, Alice recalled the day of the trial, the first time she had seen the insanity of the Queen of Hearts, and the ineptitude of her husband, the King.

And yet, though she was sure the Hatter had not changed a word of it, she somehow felt he was reading a love poem to her. Perhaps that was just her fancy. Of course it was just her fancy.

"Checkmate," she declared.

Tarrant forced his eyes from his opponent's face to the chessboard, where he hadn't noticed Alice's knight advance to the line of pawns. His expression dissolved from shocked to delighted. "It seems you have me captivated, milady."

For once Alice's quick wit failed her as she stared into Tarrant's eyes. At last she gave up on finding words for her thoughts and said, "Perhaps I should bid you goodnight. I'm sure tomorrow will be a long and hard day."

"Beyond a doubt," he replied.

They returned the chess set to its proper place, and Alice with some reluctance retired to her cabin.


	6. The Island

Author's note: The poem in this chapter is from _The Ode Less Travelled_, by Stephen Fry.

Fit the Sixth: the Island

The midnight moon was shining with a feverish brilliance through ragged, racing clouds.

Tarrant had been entirely unable to sleep, plagued with curiosity over whether Alice was able to sleep. Instead of continuing with the futile endeavor, he was out on the deck, watching the waves.

"'Beyond a doubt'," he mumbled to himself. "As if anything truly were beyond the bounds of doubt. Beyond a doubt you are a coward, Hatter. Can stab a Jabberwock for her, but can't bring yerself to tell her how you feel."

"Talking to yourself, I see," said a voice from above. "Some might think you had gone mad."

He smiled without looking up. "But the likes of you would know better, Chessur. I did not know you were accompanying us."

The grinning cat unfolded himself and floated to the railing in front of him. "You don't think I would miss out on an adventure like this, do you? What was that you were saying about Alice?"

Tarrant wasn't sure whether to lie or tell the truth, so he didn't say anything.

"Something about telling her how you feel?" Chessur prompted.

"Oh that? That was nothing. Just wondering to myself if I should tell her she's crazy to be going on this quest for a snark, her being confirmedly beamish, and me being so madly in love with her I fear I would die if she vanished away."

"Ah yes. That is always a concern when it comes to that particular ailment. Frightfully tricky situation."

"Quite," the Hatter agreed. "Quite tricky. What do you think? I could tell her how I love her before we go hunting for the snark so I shall know she knows it in case she vanishes away, or should I wait until we bring back a snark for the White Queen so that I shall know Alice is safe and sound and isn't going to vanish at all, but what if she returns to Overland? But perhaps she would return to Overland unless I tell her. Or perhaps she wouldn't want to stay in Underland if I do tell her."

Seemingly growing bored of Tarrant's rambling, Chessur began floating and recited a poem, as if to himself.

"How rare it is when things go right  
When days go by without a slip  
And don't go wrong, as well they might.

The smallest triumphs cause delight -  
The kitchen's clean, the taps don't drip,  
How rare it is when things go right.

Your ice cream freezes overnight,  
Your jellies set, your pancakes flip  
And don't go wrong, as well they might.

When life's against you, and you fight  
To keep a stiffer upper lip.  
How rare it is when things go right.

The oven works, the gas rings light.  
Gravies thicken, potatoes chip  
And don't go wrong as well they might.

Such pleasures don't endure, so bite  
The grapes of fortune to the pip.  
How rare it is when things go right  
And don't go wrong as well they might."

Tarrant listened thoughtfully until the sound of the lapping waves took over the cat's purrful intonations. "You do have a point," he said. "I almost wish I knew what it was."

Chessur glanced his way from the corner of his eye. "It's so very simple, my dear hatter: if you tell her how you feel you may lose her, and if you do not, you most assuredly will."

* * *

The morning came shrouded in thick silvery fog. The air was still, but the boat seemed to have been swept up in a current that carried them vaguely in the direction Pepper thought they aught to go.

Alice stood on the deck looking doubtfully at the morning's eerie dimness.

"It was just such a morning..." Mag said as she descended from the crow's nest. She did not finish the thought, if she had one. "Would you like a turn as lookout, Alice?"

"I would. Do you suppose we will reach the island today?"

"Hard to say. But I for one think we are lost enough."

Alice climbed the ladder to the high platform. Up here, the rocking on the ship was far more pronounced, and she could almost see over the fog. Above, dark rolling clouds blocked out the sky.

Minutes and more passed without this view altering. Alice was beginning to grow entirely bored with it when something large and dark materialized from the silvery sky. She looked for a long moment until she was completely sure: it was a craggy mountain, or three mountains bunched together. She couldn't quite tell. But there was no doubt it was at least one mountain. "Land ho!" she cried jubilantly.

They sailed toward the island, which was far bigger than it had first seemed. The fog thinned, and dark, shaggy forests became discernible at the foot of the stone mountains.

"I don't like the look of this place," said Thackery. "Not a bit."

"I'm inclined to agree with you," said Alice.

They anchored the boat a safe distance from the rocky shore and a party consisting of Tarrant, Alice, the Bandersnatch, Mag, Tweedledee and Tweedledum took a rowboat to the island.

The echoing silence that met them at the tree-choked beach seemed more appropriate for an empty old house than an island. But as they got closer, animal sounds like the chirping of insects and the croaking of frogs became audible.

Bandersnatch, for his part, bounded onto the beach with all the enthusiasm of returning to a familiar childhood playground.

"I guess this is the right place," Alice surmised.


	7. The Hunt

Fit the Seventh: The Hunt

Snarks are strange creatures. Though rare and elusive, they are hard to miss, the way they carry around bathing machines and other unwieldy objects far too big for them. They were generally harmless, not incredibly bright, and altogether just about the least dangerous things to be found on Snark Island.

If, that is, Snarks could indeed be found on Snark Island.

Alice didn't know the strange sounds that came from the swamps, or the small, fleet creatures that dove out of the path as the hunting party approached.

"The most likely places to find snarks are the beaches or the crags," Mag declared.

"I thought that they are almost never found there," said Tweedledum.

"But they are never found almost anywhere else," Tweedledee countered.

"Maybe because everyone was looking for them in the wrong place," argued Tweedledum.

Tarrant weighed in. "Well, keep your eye out for them wherever we are, just to be on the safe side."

"There is no safe side here," Mag mumbled almost inaudibly.

Tweedledum scratched his head. "What precisely do these snark thingies look like?"

"Ye'll know one when ye see one."

"If it's the last thing you know."

They searched all day with no success. Mists came and went in the dim woods and fickle sunlit patches of bare rock. They searched high and low, over boulders and under trees, in caves and in ponds, and finally returned to the boat for the night.

Alice took a short walk around the deck before bed. She found Mag standing at the railing, looking out over the island, its mountains bathed in moonlight.

"What are you looking at?"

Mag's black-and-white, birdlike features turned toward her. "Hush," she whispered softly. "Listen."

Alice listened. At first all she heard was the splashing of the waves and the creaking of the boat as it rocked, but then she began to hear other things, long, low sounds coming from the island, hauntingly living sounds. Lots of them.

"What are they?"

"I have absolutely no idea."

Mag turned and left, leaving Alice alone in the night with the haunting sounds from the island.

* * *

They had been searching over the island for days, and though they had come across many strange creatures, a snark was still frustratingly elusive.

Alice was starting to entertain doubts that snarks existed at all. These doubts were not entertaining.

And the longer they spent looking, the more she worried about Mirana. Would snark salad really cure her?

She and Mag were making their way through a canyon deep in the heart of the island. The gray stone of its walls towered so high Alice could barely believe they were real. Scraggly trees poking out of cracks on the cliff face looked bizarrely like toys against the immensity of it all.

"I begin to fear we'll never find a snark," Mag sighed.

"But what will we do if we don't?" Alice wondered. "And how do we know snark will cure the Queen?"

"Because nothing else has," Mag stated.

Alice only hoped that she was right.

They came to a cave at the base of the canyon wall. There was a mat of grasses and moss at the entrance of the cave that looked like it had been recently disturbed.

"If I were a Snark, I think I'd live in that cave," Alice stated.

"I suppose so. It would be a good place to keep out of the rain." She frowned at the cave. "We should come back with a torch and the others to search it."

Alice smiled and started toward it. "I'll be right back."

"I don't think you should go in there. It's large enough for something very big to dwell inside and too dark to know if one is."

"It's not so dark."

Mag sprinted after her. "I really don't think you should go in there alone, Alice."

"Then come with me."

"I don't think we should go in there at all. It looks like it might rain."

Alice was already at the mouth of the cave. The interior was dim, and it didn't look like there was anything inside.

She took a few steps in.

And then, all of a sudden, the mass of moss and grass gave way beneath her feet. With a startled yelp, she fell several yards and crashed.

The mosses broke her fall somewhat, and after a few moments she decided the fall hadn't broken any of her bones.

She looked up. She was at the bottom of a square pit that looked like it had been hewn from the hard dirt of the canyon's bed.

Mag's silhouette appeared against the rectangle of clouds visible through the mouth of the pit.

"It seems something made a trap here," Alice stated. "Could you find some rope or branch to help me climb out?"

"You know, someone as beamish as you should really not be hunting Snarks," Mag said. "Sometimes Snarks are Boojums, and if you meet a Boojum you would most certainly vanish away, Miss Alice."

"But this isn't a Boojum, it's a pit," Alice pointed out.

"Vanish away, all the same," Mag said, and there was something in her voice, some undertone of malice, that suddenly alerted Alice to what had made this pit and covered it with a thin mat of moss and grass.

"It looks like rain," Mag added, "and I have a feeling this little canyon is prone to flood."

She disappeared from the window of clouds.

"Mag!" Alice shouted. "Margaret, what are you doing?"

But she was answered with silence, and in minutes it was a silence so deep she was sure she was alone in the canyon, and began examining the walls of the pit for a means to escape.


	8. The Storm

Fit the Eighth: The Storm

Most everyone but Alice and Margaret had returned to the ship for the night. The clouds were darkening with the dark blue of dusk, and it smelled like rain. The Hatter stood at the prow of the boat, looking at the plank they'd set up between ship and shore in the safe-ish harbor they had found on the far side of the island. He was becoming concerned with Time.

That's when Margaret came reeling through the twilight, half flying in her haste to reach the boat.

The other hunters came out on deck as they heard her shriek.

Mag ran impossibly fast up the plank, then collapsed on the deck, panting so hard she couldn't breathe.

"Bring her water!"

Pepper brought her a flask of water. Mag sipped at it carefully. In a minute, her panting had subsided somewhat.

She looked at Tarrant. "I'm sorry," she breathed.

"What happened? Where is Alice?"

"It was a Boojum."

She fell silent as everyone took in her words.

"Tell me what happened, Margaret."

"We were in the foothills when Alice saw a snark. She was so excited she threw caution to the wind and went to tempt it to her with soap. 'It's a Snark!' said she. 'It's a Snark!' Then I heard her shout...'It's a Boo.' And she was gone. I looked and looked for any sign of her, but she had softly and suddenly vanished away."

Tarrant stood and took several steps away from the others. He stared out at the island, where billowous clouds were piling up against the crags.

Tweedledee and Tweedledum walked up behind him. Tweedledum looked as if he would reach for him, but Tweedledee grasped his arm and shook his head. "Miss Alice is gone, and there ain't nothing can be said that makes that less sad."

After a minute, Pepper walked up next to Tarrant. "We'll make a full search in the morning. Nothing can be done now."

The Hatter shook his head. Slightly at first, so slightly he scarcely seemed to move, then more fervently. "No. I am going to look for her tonight. She canna h've vanished away. Not like that. Not without me..." His words choked off, and he closed his eyes. "I'm going to look for her."

"No you won't. If she has vanished, there will be no finding her. And even if she has, we must continue the Snark hunt."

Tarrant didn't look at the captain. He turned and walked away, heading for the sleeping quarters.

Mag was beginning to revive, and was sitting up drinking some gooseberry cordial Ellieita had helpfully provided.

Pepper turned to them. "Well, at least I talked sense into him."

But at that instant, the door to the cabins burst open and the Bandersnatch bounded out, Tarrant on its back.

"I'm off to find Alice!" He shouted. "Don't look for me before morning!"

The Bandersnatch leaped down the narrow plank, and in moments it and the Hatter had disappeared into the gathering darkness.

All of the lookers-on had expressions of worry on their faces. They were all worried the Bandersnatch and Hatter would never return at all.

Except for Mag. Hers was worry that they would.

* * *

Alice had made very little progress on carving handholds out of the pit's walls before near pitch darkness overcame the overcast evening. The threatened rain had not yet begun, but thunder growled ominously from the distance.

And then another sound intruded.

She stopped her movements and held her breath. There was something nearby, something large. She heard its breathing, she heard the thump of footfalls, the occasional scrape of claws against stone.

This was, she somehow knew, a Snark.

But was it a Boojum?

Snarks, authorities agreed, were generally harmless. If she could lure it into the pit with her, they would have what they were looking for.

Not that it would be much help if she couldn't find a way out to get it back to the boat.

And if it was a Boojum, then alerting it to her presence was the last thing she wanted to do.

Before she could decide, the rain started. It poured down, pounded down. She heard the creature scamper away.

In minutes, the rain was running down the walls of the pit, pooling up her shins. She looked up, wet face framed by wet hair, to the wet sky. If the rain kept coming, she could swim out. If she didn't freeze first.

* * *

The Hatter on the back of the Bandersnatch bounded through the rain-soaked swamps of Snark Island. The Bandersnatch sniffed, searching by scent for its beloved mistress.

"Where are ye, my Alice?" Tarrant asked the night air. "You mustn't have disappeared, or I have lost Hope. I have lost my Hope and must find her."

The Bandersnatch caught the scent again and galumphed off toward the mountain.

The trail led to a canyon where a new-formed river was spilling out. The Bandersnatch splashed through the cold water, Tarrant still clinging to its back.

"Alice!" he called. "Jabberwock-Slayer, where are yeh?"

From the pit at the mouth of the low cave, Alice thought she heard her favorite voice calling. "Tarrant? Hatter! I'm here!"

The long arm of the Bandersnatch snatched her from the drowning pit and pulled her out. With a leap, they were in a moment in the dark, dry depth of the cave.

"Alice," Tarrant breathed. He reached for her. It was too dark to see, but his hand found her hair.

"You came for me." Her hand took his, and held it like she was afraid he'd be swept away. "You found me."

"Alice..." He pulled her hand to his lips. Her fingers were shivering cold. He wrapped his arms around her, and she reciprocated.

"I'm so glad you came."

"Mag told us you disappeared."

"Mag..." She drew back. Her hand slid up Tarrant's arm to cup his face, to make sure she was facing him when she spoke. "She trapped me here. She led me to the pit."

He was shocked into silence for a beat. "Why would she do that?"

"I don't know. I have no idea."

"Well it didn't work. You're alive."

"And I'm so glad I am." Her thumb rubbed his cheek. "Tarrant..."

And then she couldn't speak for the lips pressed against hers.

He drew back in a second, but kept his arms around her. The kiss had been a simple delivery, a message. Its existence conveyed everything he wanted to tell her but had been too afraid to.

She kissed him back, just as briefly and just as simply: a reply.

That was all.


	9. The Fire

Fit the Ninth: the Fire

It was the morning after the storm. The Sun had newly risen, and the hunters on the boat were preparing to send a search party after Alice and the Hatter when the Bandersnatch emerged out of the trees at the shore, clear in the crystal freshness of the post-rain morning. Tarrant and Alice were on its back.

Tweedledum saw them first. "It's them! There they are! They're not dead at all!"

All the others rushed forward to see for themselves. Pepper shouted with glee. "Lower the plank!"

Mag's eyes widened. She turned and ran from the deck.

In the cabin below, she thought quickly. Her plan had failed. She needed to do something more drastic.

Spilling the oil from every lamp she could grab hold of, she lit a chart on fire and put the flame to the oil. As it began to burn, she dug through her bag of meager belongings for the rolled and tied paper at the bottom. She stuck it in a crack in the table, in the way of the fire, and then she took flight.

She sprinted to the deck, climbed up the crow's nest as Tarrant and Alice were being helped onto the boat, gulped a potion, and flew off the crow's nest, a bird.

She looked back to see Alice pointing, and heard Pepper shout "After her!"

Seconds later, their fleet of geese took flight from the deck, honking hauntingly as they gave chase.

Alice and the others watched from the deck. She had just revealed that Mag had tried to have her disappeared. The news was met with gasps, and there might have been some disbelief except for Mag's immediate attempt to escape, which did seem to confirm her guilt.

For her part, Alice watched in amazement as Mag transformed herself into a bird and flew away. She had so many questions she wanted answers to. Topping the list was why Mag wanted her dead.

And then she smelled smoke.

Tearing her eyes away from the aerial chase, she scanned for the source of the worrisome scent. Wisps were seeping through the cracks in the deck boards.

"Fire!" she shouted. She leaped from the deck and ran toward the source. Throwing open the door, she saw the flames eating at the table in the cabin. The others had followed her, and were looking in the same direction. "A bucket," Alice said. "We need a bucket! We need some water!"

Thackery darted away and returned with a mop bucket from the kitchen. In seconds, Alice was shouting out commands to make a line between the fire and the nearest rail, where water was drawn directly from the waves of the ocean. She sent Thackery after more buckets and everyone else passed them back and forth: to the water and from the water, to the fire and from the fire.

Soon, two or three minutes at most, the fire was nothing but steam rising from the soaked and blackened table, chairs, and floor of the cabin.

The geese returned to the boat, one carrying Margaret the Magpie by the wing in her beak.

"She flew faster, but tired faster than we," Ellieita reported when she alighted.

"Let us lock her in the storage room," said Captain Pepper. "We will question her when the potion wears off."

* * *

Tarrant and Alice were mopping up the water in the cabin. They had been alone there for a few minutes, ever since Pepper and Ellieita had left to check on the prisoner, and had been silent.

"When we save the Queen," Tarrant asked abruptly and quietly, "will you return to Overland?"

She paused in the mopping and looked at him. She knew why he was asking. She gazed at him, his white skin and impossible eyes. She couldn't ask him to come with her: there was no way he would be welcome in her world. The only place they could be together was here, in Underland. But was she willing to give up her family, friends, and other life to be with him?

"I'm not sure if I could," she said. "Last time it took a sip of blood from the Jabberwock to get me home. There might not be a way this time." She didn't sound overly concerned over it.

"And if there is a way? Would you take it?"

She leaned the mop against the charred table and walked to him. "My dear Tarrant...I don't know much about the customs of propriety of Underland, but my English acquaintances would be scandalized that I spent the night next to you in a cave. Merely spending a night in a cave would be considered undignified. My Chinese acquaintances might be shocked that I spent the night next to you in a cave without taking advantage of it."

"And?" he whispered.

"I don't want to have to choose between my home in Overland and my home here in Underland, but if I have to make that choice," she took his hand that wasn't holding the now-motionless mop and took a step closer to him, "I will stay with you."

He smiled a smile so bright and beautiful she knew what she'd said was true. If she did have to stay in Underland, she would miss her family, but she could not imagine being away from her beloved Mad Hatter and Underland for so long again.

"You can't imagine how happy it makes me to hear you say that, my dear Alice."

"We'll have much more to say to each other once we have a free moment. But first let's get this water cleaned up and find out why Margaret tried to kill me." She kissed him quickly, then released his hand and took up her mop again.

She paused and looked back at the table as something she'd seen registered in her mind. There was a small scroll, scorched black, stuffed into a crack in the table. She took it out and unrolled it carefully.

"What is that?" the Hatter asked.

"A letter..." She read through it. Some words were missing at the edges where the paper had burned, and some of the ink had run with the water, but it was legible.

In fact, the handwriting was familiar. It was the same hand in which the note found under the White Queen's poisoned dish had been written.

"I believe this may explain everything."


	10. The Letter

Fit the Tenth: The Letter

Even after the potion wore off and Mag returned to her regular size and form, she refused to speak. She sat in her place in the storage room staring impassively past her guards.

"Why'd you do it, then?" Tweedledee asked her.

"You tried to 'ave Miss Alice off and go dead," added Tweedledum.

"Why'd you try to have Miss Alice go dead?"

They had been interrogating her thusly for several minutes and it had been Thackery's turn before theirs. Pepper and a guard of geese looked on.

Alice and Tarrant entered suddenly, Alice carrying a much blackened roll of paper.

Mag's eyes flicked up when they entered, but her face betrayed no emotion.

"Revenge," Alice stated. "She did it for revenge."

"Revenge?" Ellieita asked. "Whatever for? What had you ever done to her?"

"She is also the culprit in the poisoning of our dear Queen," the Hatter added.

Pepper gasped. "You? You, Mag, poisoned Queen Mirana?"

"Here, read this," Alice said, handing him the letter.

The captain unrolled the scroll and cleared his throat.

"'Brother Dearest of my heart,  
I hope this letter finds you well,  
As well at least as matters are  
Until we break Mirana's spell.

You may at least have half the calm  
Of knowing Alice will soon be dead  
Searching for the White Queen's balm  
In this forsaken isle of dread.

The White Queen's Hatter will suffer too,  
Don't worry yourself on that,  
For the injustice bestowed on you  
To conclude their petty spat.

And then I'll deal with the Bloody Queen,  
(Let her read over your shoulder, or shout it in her ear.)  
And let the chips fall where I mean,  
And I'll see you soon, my own. See you soon, my brother dear.'"

"The Knave of Hearts, Ilosovic Stayne, is your brother," Alice said, addressing Mag. "That is why you poisoned Mirana and left me to die in the pit, and I suppose you had some similar end in mind for Tarrant, the three people you hold responsible for exiling your brother with the Red Queen."

Mag's eyes lifted to hers. "Ilosovic is my brother. That is true. We are all each other have, and I have always looked out for him."

"You also wrote the letter entered as evidence at the trial of who stole the tarts from the Queen of Hearts so many years ago," Tarrant accused.

"I don't deny it. When my brother went to work at the castle, I kept watch over him to make sure he did not lose his head. I communicated with him in letters. I was terrified for his life when he became a favorite of the Bloody Big Head, with how fragile her good graces were known to be. He did what he had to do to keep his head on his shoulders, and for that your precious Mirana condemned him to such a horrid fate as being chained to that vile Iracebeth for as long as they both shall live. And yes, you and the Hatter are to blame as well." Her head tilted, shifting her eerie ravenous gaze to Tarrant. "But I had no designs for his death. Why would I bother, when it's plain as daylight he's so in love with you that your loss would hurt him more deeply than a thousand Jabberwock teeth? Convenient, that. Cut down my work by a quarter."

"Ay, it would have," Tarrant agreed. "But you failed. Alice is still here."

"Yes, alas, but Mirana is gone."

"And when we find the Snark, we will save her too."

Mag smirked. "You really believe in Snarks? Have any of you ever seen one? There's no such creature." Her eyes shifted back to Alice. "You will find no Snarks here; only Boojums."

"What do you mean there's no such thing as Snarks?" Pepper exclaimed. "All the oldest texts assure us they go very well with greens."

"There are no Snarks. I have said it thrice: whatever I tell you three times is true."

"That's impossible!" Pepper squealed. "If there is no Snark, how shall we cure the Queen?"

"How indeed?" Mag said smugly.

Alice turned on her heels and left the makeshift cell in an instant.

Tarrant followed her.

"She's lying, but we won't get the truth from her. There will be no reasoning with her," Alice said. "We have foiled her revenge against us, and she will do whatever she can to make sure she won't be cheated of the revenge she has already taken against Mirana."

"If she is lying, then there are Snarks. And if there are Snarks, we shall find one, my dear."

Alice turned toward him and her anger and frustration ebbed. "Was it true what she said?" she asked softly. "Do you really love me quite so much?"

Tarrant didn't know how to answer. He looked at his gloved hand and let it open and close for no reason. There were advantages to being mad.

Alice nodded to herself, letting a tired smile part her lips. "Because if so we definitely have some details to work out."

He wasn't sure if she was proposing marriage or telling him to, but either way he smiled.

"In the meantime we should call a meeting of the hunters."


	11. The Meeting

Fit the Eleventh: The Meeting

Alice and Tarrant sat around a table with Pepper, Tweedledum and Tweedledee, Thackery, and Ellieita.

"I don't know what to do. Perhaps we should leave the island, and go back to Underland," Pepper suggested.

"Go back empty-handed, with no cure for the Queen? I would sooner eat my hat," countered Tarrant.

"Mag's betrayal is a bit of a setback, but we mustn't give up the hunt," Alice argued.

"But what is there to hunt for?" Tweedledee asked.

"Mag said the Snarks are just made up," Tweedledum chimed in.

"Yes, Mag said that," Alice agreed, "but she also strongly implied that she _wasn't _the one who poisoned Mirana, and wasn't planning on trapping me and leaving me for dead, so I think we should perhaps take anything she said with a pinch of salt."

"But we can't ignore that we've been hunting for days and there has been no trace nor hint, not hair nor feather of a Snark," said Pepper.

Alice frowned for a moment. "That's not quite true. When I was trapped in the pit during the rainstorm I heard a large creature coming near. Don't ask me how I know, but I'm certain it was a Snark. They're here; we just need to keep looking."

"Yes, but that does still leave us with the question of _where _to keep looking," said Hatter.

At these words, his top hat unexpectedly floated off his head and drifted down to the table, where the Cheshire Cat appeared beneath it.

"It seems to me," Chessur said, looking down at the crudely-sketched map of the island spread out on the table, "that the best way to find where something is...is to mark off all the places where it is not."

"We know it's not nowhere on the island. We've looked everywhere," Tweedledum said.

"Yep, sir, every nook an' cranny," agreed Tweedledee.

"I searched the west shore forest myself," said Pepper, "I and Mag."

"And I and the March Hair searched up and down the tallest mountain peak," said Ellieita. "And you and I have looked in every cave and crag on the rocky south shore."

"And I have searched and searched erudite good pudding!" declared Thackery

"I and he went back and forth across the north-side swamp," Tweedledum said.

"Which is to say," said Tweedledee, "it was searched by me and him."

"And Tarrant searched the east beach sand dunes with Mag," said Pepper.

The Hatter looked up at him. "No...I don't recall that having happened."

"Really? Mag told me you did, day before yesterday."

"Mag told me you and she searched it," Ellieita said to Pepper.

"Hm. Interesting," Alice remarked. "This reminds me of a Chinese story. A man named Zhang stole three hundred taels of silver, and buried it beneath the wall. He was afraid someone might dig up the silver, so he put up a sign saying 'There are not three hundred taels of silver buried here'..."

"What a great idea!" the March Hare declared.

The others at the tabled nodded in agreement. "Yes, a very sensible precaution," Tarrant agreed.

Alice glanced at him dubiously. "Yes, well...so his neighbor who had seen him bury the silver dug it up to keep it for himself, but he didn't want Zhang to suspect him, so he put up a sign that said, 'Your neighbor Wang Er did not steal them'."

"A very diverting story, but how does it help us?" Pepper asked.

"I believe what Miss Alice is trying to say," Chessur said, "is that Mag knows where to find a Snark, and since she told all of you it could not be found among the sand dunes, that is most certainly where you _will _find it."

"Precisely," said Alice.


	12. The Dunes

Fit the Twelfth: The Dunes

The hunters converged on the eastern shore.

The rule for how to hunt a Snark is to do all that you know, and try all that you don't. Pepper, for example, had the thought that a Snark might be very small, so he brought along thimbles to catch it. Tweedledum, recalling the fact that Snarks go well with greens, had packed forks. The March Hare carried a railway-share for some reason, and Chessur, figuring that the Snark must get very dirty living on an island without baths, thought he might tempt it out by offering soap.

This intrepid group of hunters stepped out into the rolling sand dunes between the stony slope of the mountain and the packed, wave-pounded sands of the beach.

"Here's what we do," said Alice, "we split up two by two and spread out. We meet back here at noon to regroup. Who wants to go with whom?"

"If we are going two by two, I must insist on staying with you," Tarrant said to her.

She nodded. "Tweedledum, Tweedledee?"

"I'll be going with him," said Tweedledum.

"By which he means, he will be coming with me," clarified Tweedledee.

Chessur went with Pepper, and Ellieita with Thackery. They parted ways and set off into the hazy erg.

Alice and Tarrant mounted the Bandersnatch, which bounded playfully through the sand, galloping up dunes and then leaping down their sliding slopes.

Tarrant was strangely silent for several minutes.

"I have the funny feeling we'll finally find a Snark today," Alice said.

"I'm sure we will." The Hatter didn't sound happy.

"Are you still concerned that I may vanish away?"

"Yes," he admitted frankly.

"What makes you so sure I would be any more likely than you to vanish when confronted with a Boojum?"

"You slew the Jabberwock," he said as though that were explanation enough.

She nodded. She knew enough about Underland now to realize explanations would be difficult to come by. She could live with that madness. If it meant living with the Hatter.

Suddenly they heard a shout from far across the dunes. It was the voice of the March Hare.

They heard a shout from off in the distance. It was the voice of the March Hare.

"This is madness!" he screamed hysterically. "Madness! Why are you breakfasting at this hour? It's time for tea!"

All the hunters converged on the sound.

The Bandersnatch was there in a minute. They spotted Ellieita at the crest of a nearby dune.

"Is it a Snark?" Alice shouted up to her.

"I can't tell; I'm not close enough. It's certainly the strangest creature I have ever seen. Thackery and the twins are making an examination."

"Ask them."

"Is that a Snark?" Ellieita shouted down to the March Hare, Tweedledee, and Tweedledum.

"How can we tell?" Tweedledum shouted back at her.

Ellieita turned and shouted back at Alice and Tarrant, and now Pepper and Chessur, who were moving toward her through the sand. "How can they tell whether it is or is not a Snark?"

"Primarily by taste," Pepper responded. "It is meager and hollow, but crisp, like a coat that is too tight in the waist, with a distinct hint of will-o-the-wisp."

"Taste it!" Ellieita shouted down to the three.

Tweedledee turned to Tweedledum. "Go on then, taste it."

Tweedledum took a look at the creature and shook his head. "No how am I going to taste it. You taste it."

Thackery darted up to the creature, still intent on its breakfast, and licked it, then hurriedly scurried back.

"Fig vase guard wed hated quiet carrots!" he said.

"Fig vase guard wed hated quiet carrots, he said!" Ellieita relayed down to the four hunters still approaching.

"I would say that sounds like the delicious quarry we seek," said the Cheshire Cat, licking his lips.

"We should be certain, though," Tarrant cautioned. "Pepper, how else might one determine if the beast in question is truly a Snark?"

Pepper pondered for a moment, then suddenly brightened. "Miss Ellieita, kindly inquire of them whether the creature carries a bathing-machine."

The goose turned back to the three hunters making the examination. "Is or is not the creature in possession of a bathing-machine?"

Tweedledum and Tweedledee looked over the breakfasting beast while the March Hare laughed at absurdity.

"Do you suppose that large boxy thing is a bathing-machine?" Tweedledee asked.

Tweedledum considered it carefully. "I can't imagine what else it could possibly be."

Tweedledee shouted back up at the goose. "Oy, what does a bathing-machine look like?"

She turned back toward Pepper. "They want to know what a bathing-machine is."

"Never mind, never mind," Pepper said, and thought some more. "A Snark is remarkable for it's slowness in taking a jest. It will always look grave at a pun."

"Tell it a bad joke!" Alice called up as she made her way up the sand hill, having dismounted the Bandersnatch.

Ellieita ruffled her feathers. "Oh dear. I don't know any _bad _jokes."

"Okay, let me think...How about this one: Two men walked into a bar. The third one ducked."

The goose paused. "I fear I don't quite grasp you."

"Just tell the joke."

Ellieita turned and called down. "A pair of gentlemen walked into a bar. A third, likely cautioned by the example of his predecessors, avoided injury through ducking beneath it."

"How did it respond?" Pepper queried.

"It groaned, and rolled its enormous eyes," Ellieita reported.

"That's just the way! That's a Snark! Catch it, quickly! Don't let it get away!"

The twins threw nets over the creature. Thackery darted around it, tying it up.

Ellieita flew down to it, and Pepper, Chessur, Tarrant, and Alice ran up the sand dune to reach it.

Just as they reached the top, Tarrant grabbed Alice. He didn't trust in the other's ability to tell a Snark from a Boojum, and he had to make sure Alice wouldn't disappear. There was only one solution he could think of: she wouldn't dare vanish away while he was kissing her. So he kissed her.

"We caught it! We caught the Snark!"

Only when the Hatter heard that joyous exclamation did he dare let his dear Alice go. She stumbled back a step or two and kept herself upright by grasping his arm. Without a word but still clinging to him, she turned toward the captured creature and they descended the slope of sand toward it.


	13. The Upshot

Fit the Thirteenth: The Upshot

All the denizens of Marmoreal climbed to the highest windows and turrets to see the triumphal sight of the hunters returning, bearing aloft a cage containing a creature so strange they knew in an instant it must be a Snark.

Being tugged along behind them, securely bound in ropes and carrying herself with a hostile dignity, came Mag. She was to be imprisoned until Queen Mirana was well, and then she would decide what to do with her.

All the Queen's cooks carried the creature off to the kitchen. An hour later, word was sent around that there would be a feast in the dining hall, Snark salad for all.

The dining hall was bedecked in bright candles and crystals. The White Queen had been led into the room dressed in a resplendent white gown. She sat at the head of the largest table, staring blankly. Servants brought in the salads, laying them out at each seat along with wine glasses and bread rolls. The hunters, as the guests of honor, were seated at the same table as the Queen. This was all arranged by a somewhat manic White Rabbit.

When all the guests were seated, one of Mirana's personal servants took up a forkful of salad, making sure to get a good chunk of the medicinal Snark meat, and fed it to her.

Everyone looked on breathlessly as the Queen swallowed one forkful of Snark salad, then two. Then three. Then she began to chew on her own. She chewed slowly, thoroughly, then swallowed. She looked around the dining hall, then a smile broke over her face. "A party! How delightful. Who's birthday is it?"

* * *

After the feast, the Queen's advisers explained to her what had happened: the poisonous spell, Mag's treachery, and her motive. Mirana listened carefully, and then nodded. "Let me talk to her."

Guards led the way to the tower where Mag had been locked away. They opened the door and Mirana went inside, followed by Alice and Tarrant.

The room was empty.

"No!" Alice looked around, trying to think if there were any place for the prisoner to hide or any way she could have escaped.

Then she looked to the window. The shutters were open. "She must have had some more potion on her. She must have turned herself into a bird again and flown away."

Mirana fluttered to the window, opened the shutters wider, and looked out over her kingdom. "Perhaps it is for the best. Let it be. If she returns, we shall deal with her then, and if she does not return, we are rid of her." She closed the shutters and drifted out of the room.

The Hatter followed her, nodding at the wisdom of his queen.

Alice was still uncertain. She didn't like the idea of not knowing the whereabouts of someone who tried to kill her. But if Mirana, who had suffered far more at Mag's hands than she had, could accept such an outcome it was hardly decorous for Alice to argue.

And she too left the tower.

* * *

The garden was awash in white wisteria. Alice wore a white gown of the lightest silk that drifted around her as she walked down the path. The guests stood as if in salute as she passed. Tarrant, dressed in a suit of the finest blue, walked toward her from the other direction.

They met in the center of the garden. Queen Mirana, waiting there, smiled indulgently at both of them. "Alice Kingsley, is it your sincere wish to be wed to Tarrant Hightopp?"

Alice took a deep breath to steady the fluttering of her heart and looked at Tarrant. "Yes."

"Tarrant Hightopp, is it your sincere wish to be wed to Alice Kingsley?"

"It is," he confirmed, gazing at Alice.

"Frabjous!" Mirana clapped in delight. "So be it! Before your Queen and all of Underland, you are wed."

"Hurrah!" shouted the guests in unison.

Alice blinked. "Is that all? That's all it takes to be married in Underland?"

Mirana smiled questioningly. "What more do you need?"

"I don't know. In England it is customary to tell the groom he may kiss the bride."

"And does the bride consent to the kiss?"

"Not that I recall," Alice admitted. "But I should hope she would, or it's not much of a marriage."

Mirana laughed, as did many of the guests within earshot. "You are wife and husband now; you may do as you please."

Alice turned back to Tarrant. "What would you like to do now, my dear Hatter?"

"Would you care to dance with me, my darling Alice?"

"I would care for that very much."

"Wondrous idea." the Queen turned to the band. "Musicians, let us have some music to dance to. I believe on a day such as this the happy groom may treat us to a futterwacken!"

The Cheshire Cat, in his grand happiness, smiled so brightly all that could be seen of him was his smile.

The End


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